How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
