Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
