They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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