pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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