I cockslap morals
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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