Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
