chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
