I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just threw up on my dentist
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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