Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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