i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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