I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
