You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
