If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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