Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize