i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
