it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
