he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
