you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
