At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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