She is in my trunk
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
