You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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