After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize