she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
