He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize