it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize