apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
