My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
