Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
