so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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