Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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