Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
