So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize