Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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