I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
