i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
