so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
