i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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