I think i peed on brittanys purse
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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