I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
