Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
