This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
