So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The Olympian is in my bed
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
