You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
