I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
