Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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