Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
