from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
