I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
