were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
how drunk are you?
Several
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
