I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
