So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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