too bad you live with your parents still
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
