I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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