i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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