Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
