I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
