I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
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