remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he puts the penis in happiness.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
