More tranny stories later!
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
