the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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