Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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