And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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