i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
