No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
