We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
