I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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