She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
