I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
