just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
