What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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