She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
