I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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