I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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