Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
