then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
