ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
