she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize