glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
