Please, let me fuck your mom
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
love makes seman taste better
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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