There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
