I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
