You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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