You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
