why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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