I CAN MOONWALK!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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