Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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